Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
