Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
