I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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