went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
