oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
