Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your shirt... Was in my pants
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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