Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
