Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
