I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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