I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We have started to decorate penises.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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