So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
