I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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