WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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