Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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