Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
