Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
a search helicopter?!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
