girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
