tell your sister to shave her snatch
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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