you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
