I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
