So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
