My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
