Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
