You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
