Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
