i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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