Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
