She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
