I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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