I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
