we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
