I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
