you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
