And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
