His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
