Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
