Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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