i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
too bad you live with your parents still
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
