You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
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There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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