i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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