It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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