She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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