the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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