If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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