I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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