I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
