I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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