He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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