id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
