I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
