Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
