Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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