God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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