i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
