I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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