I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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