Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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