I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
