Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
