If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
