now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
