I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize