yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
