I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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