I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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