The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I will pee on everything he values.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dear god my vagina.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
