so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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