it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
